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Gear
Here I am spun out on gearWill tomorrow be less full of fear? Don’t worry it’s all legal,Free too, for those that are frugal. Each prescription goes, if you think I’m a drain,To fight the good fight – the war on pain.Because the nerves won’t listen anymore,They have panic attacks no matter the score. Adhesions don’t know how to healLeaving me unsure how to feelUnable to trust my own two feet on the floorDid you think I was joking when I said it’s a war? Like my body is on a spreeDesperately seeking a space to be freeTrying to find a moment of peace for my mindOverwhelmed by all my…
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Two Years On
Two years ago today I attended my first colposcopy appointment. I was 29 years old and I had just had my second baby. I was pretty much exuding happiness, tired happiness, but happiness nonetheless. Cancer. It’s a word none of us want to hear, ever. Not for ourselves or for those around us. It’s deceitful, it’s cunning and sly. It hides and it eludes is. It puts those who are diagnosed with it through hell (and that’s putting it mildly). It’s the word I heard by the end of that first appointment. As time goes by I become increasingly aware that I’m able to examine this memory from different angles.…
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Remission
Remission;Feels like a lie by omission,This is just an intermission,A fire awaiting its ignition, It seems like I am waiting,For a little cell to begin tainting,While I spend every minute hating,This disease that spends no time wasting, Corrupting my flesh, my blood, my mindMy existence here is timedI’ve never felt so blindMy future already signed When it comes I shall fight,I will not lose the light,I will struggle with all my might,For those who shine so bright, Remission;Feels like a lie of omission,This is just an intermission,A fire awaiting its ignition.
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The Eye of the Storm
During the middle of some of the most intense pain flares I’ve had, I seem to have found the eye of the storm. A place where I can stand and breathe where I can dream of being pain free. It takes some finding, and sometimes I question if I’m really in the middle of it or just so overwhelmed by the pain that my body just gives out. I suppose it could be either. When it starts I can feel the buzzing in my feet begin to increase and then it starts to creep up my legs, slowly at first, as if teasing me “ooh, you know what’s coming but…
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Remission
This part of my life is something that is worthy of more than one insta post. It’s massive, beyond all understanding. It was entirely unexpected and triggered a whole host of wild emotions. Elation, total pure joy, disbelief, fear. Remission was unexpected. I remember being told that the cancer was incurable and asking if remission was a possibility. My oncologist told me that it wasn’t, the term remission was usually held for cancers like leukaemia, not cervical. It was then she told me that the cancer was “life shortening” (her exact words) and she progressed to give me 5 years left to live. That moment is one that will be…
