• Slider

    The End of a Chapter

    On the 24th of March 2021 a specialist anaesthetic doctor was placing a spinal block and an epidural in my back. Slowly the nerves in my legs that had been causing so much pain were switching off, the pain in my hip was dulling. The doctors helped me lay down and then they placed an oxygen mask over my nose and mouth. My eyes closed and with them so did a whole chapter and of my life. When I came around, I woke up with a new scar that will tell the story of the Avascular Necrosis in my left hip, of the year in bed I was forced to…

  • Cancer,  Gynae Cancers,  Health

    Two Years On

    Two years ago today I attended my first colposcopy appointment. I was 29 years old and I had just had my second baby. I was pretty much exuding happiness, tired happiness, but happiness nonetheless. Cancer. It’s a word none of us want to hear, ever. Not for ourselves or for those around us. It’s deceitful, it’s cunning and sly. It hides and it eludes is. It puts those who are diagnosed with it through hell (and that’s putting it mildly). It’s the word I heard by the end of that first appointment. As time goes by I become increasingly aware that I’m able to examine this memory from different angles.…

  • Health

    A long overdue update

    Oh goodness, it’s been such a long time since I did a proper update. Things have been hard in so many ways. Now I’m just trying to think of where to begin to really update you. I guess a while back in July seems a good place to start, when I first heard the term “long term prospects” and was told that palliative care would be starting to had over to the pain clinic. This was amazing news but with the end of my radiotherapy came the beginning of my neuropathy. Neuropathic pain is notoriously hard to manage. There are drugs available to help but they often aren’t the loan…

  • Cancer,  Health,  Mental Health

    The Eye of the Storm

    During the middle of some of the most intense pain flares I’ve had, I seem to have found the eye of the storm. A place where I can stand and breathe where I can dream of being pain free. It takes some finding, and sometimes I question if I’m really in the middle of it or just so overwhelmed by the pain that my body just gives out. I suppose it could be either. When it starts I can feel the buzzing in my feet begin to increase and then it starts to creep up my legs, slowly at first, as if teasing me “ooh, you know what’s coming but…

  • Colostomy,  Family,  Health,  Lifestyle,  Slider

    Lucy the Dolly with a Stoma

    During the week I had a visit from my friend Sam, she handed me a little gift bag with two little rag dolls in for my girls. Absolutely gorgeous little dolls with one fabulous feature: they both have little stoma bags. Just like me. I couldn’t stop smiling.