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You are four
It’s hard to believe that you’ve only been with us for four years, Isla. From the moment you were born you completed our little family. We knew we were always meant to have you. Severe reflux aside, you were a happy baby, a patient babe. You never really made a fuss unless you’re reflux was hurting. You were happiest being held and cuddled. We thought you’d be a quiet little thing who loved books. You’ve turned into the brightest, funniest little girl. You are so caring and kind and your smile is like sunshine, which fits since your favourite colour is yellow. But I wish I could say this day…
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Chronic Pain & Me
In December 2017 I was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer for the first time. I didn’t know what “having cancer” would entail and I never expected the level of pain that it would cause me both physically and emotionally. Although I managed to find myself in remission from the cancer itself, it left me with a stark reminder of it: constant pain. We flew through the basic pain killers going from paracetamol to morphine to fentanyl pretty quickly as well as drugs like Gabapentin to try and control the neuropathy that formed in my feet initially due to the chemotherapy. By the time I finished treatment the neuropathy began to spread…
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Two Years On
Two years ago today I attended my first colposcopy appointment. I was 29 years old and I had just had my second baby. I was pretty much exuding happiness, tired happiness, but happiness nonetheless. Cancer. It’s a word none of us want to hear, ever. Not for ourselves or for those around us. It’s deceitful, it’s cunning and sly. It hides and it eludes is. It puts those who are diagnosed with it through hell (and that’s putting it mildly). It’s the word I heard by the end of that first appointment. As time goes by I become increasingly aware that I’m able to examine this memory from different angles.…
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A long overdue update
Oh goodness, it’s been such a long time since I did a proper update. Things have been hard in so many ways. Now I’m just trying to think of where to begin to really update you. I guess a while back in July seems a good place to start, when I first heard the term “long term prospects” and was told that palliative care would be starting to had over to the pain clinic. This was amazing news but with the end of my radiotherapy came the beginning of my neuropathy. Neuropathic pain is notoriously hard to manage. There are drugs available to help but they often aren’t the loan…
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An Unexpected Update
We got an unexpected call from my oncology team, Friday evening to give us some news that niether of us were expecting. My scan had shown many small blood clots in my pelvis and lungs, and I needed to begin treatment, fast.
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An Ode To a Bubbalum
And now for something completely different! I’m not usually a poet, but, the other night my tiniest girl was having trouble sleeping, and it just sort of popped into my head. Who knows where it came from, but didn’t Percey Shelley do some of his best writing on opiates or something? I’ll not be the poet laureate anytime soon, but I thought it was rather fun and that I’d share x
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A Little Baby Post: Bamboo Bamboo
Hello all! I expect if you’re here you’re either a mum of a little, or looking for a gift for a mum with a baby, or maybe you’re just a really devoted blog reader (all of the above just makes you lovely). But this post is about the baby stick-down table wear brand called Bamboo Bamboo. Wildly raved about on the BLW (that’s baby led weaning) pages and groups as great stick down plates and bowls made from, you guessed it, bamboo!
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A Super Special Happy Mail!
My goodness. I am SO phenomenally lucky to have so many incredible people around me right now. I don’t want to sound like I’m overly gushing, but I feel so lucky. This Happy Mail has a bit more of a background to it. You see, the sender is a very courageous young woman whom I happened to be friends with at school. Her name is Stephie, and when I remember her at school I think of one of the bubbliest, most vivacious girls. We just sort of lost touch as everyone chose different colleges and different universities and all of a sudden there was adult life.
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I Don’t Know How
I don’t know how to put this chapter of my life to bed. The one that saw me diagnosed with cervical cancer at 29. The one that put me back on a surgeons operating table, for better or worse.
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But, I am not Brave
For those who do not know, in December I was told it was “highly likely” I had cervical cancer. In early January this was confirmed, the next day I met with a surgeon who talked through the procedure I required.
